Mother Knows Best:
At a senior citizen's meeting, a couple were celebrating their 50th Anniversary. The husband stood up and was telling story of his dating habits in his youth. It seemed that every time he brought home a girl to meet his mother, his mother didn't like her. So, finally, he started searching until he found a girl who not only looked like his mother and acted like his mother, she even sounded like his mother. So he brought her home one night to have dinner, and his father didn't like her.
Just for a laugh
Weakness of Pluralism
MHI on numerous occassions has told us the pluralism or diversity is to be viewed as strength. The following joke illustrates how it can be a weakness!
On Fire!
During a recent ecumenical gathering, a secretary rushed in shouting, "The building is on fire!"
The Methodists gathered in the corner and prayed.
The Baptists cried, "Where is the water?"
The Quakers quietly praised God for the blessings that fire brings.
The Lutherans posted a notice on the door declaring the fire was evil.
The Roman Catholics passed the plate to cover the damage.
The Jews posted symbols on the door hoping the fire would pass.
The Congregationalists shouted, "Every man for himself!"
The Fundamentalists proclaimed, "It's the vengeance of God!"
The Episcopalians formed a procession and marched out.
The Christian Scientists concluded that there was no fire.
The Presbyterians appointed a chairperson who was to appoint a committee to look into the matter and submit a written report.
The secretary grabbed the fire extinguisher and put the fire out.
On Fire!
During a recent ecumenical gathering, a secretary rushed in shouting, "The building is on fire!"
The Methodists gathered in the corner and prayed.
The Baptists cried, "Where is the water?"
The Quakers quietly praised God for the blessings that fire brings.
The Lutherans posted a notice on the door declaring the fire was evil.
The Roman Catholics passed the plate to cover the damage.
The Jews posted symbols on the door hoping the fire would pass.
The Congregationalists shouted, "Every man for himself!"
The Fundamentalists proclaimed, "It's the vengeance of God!"
The Episcopalians formed a procession and marched out.
The Christian Scientists concluded that there was no fire.
The Presbyterians appointed a chairperson who was to appoint a committee to look into the matter and submit a written report.
The secretary grabbed the fire extinguisher and put the fire out.
Tampering with Traditions
The following joke illustrates how tampering with traditions for short term material gain, can compromise the mystical benefits to be derived from them.
Vatican Fried Chicken
During a Papal audience, a businessman approached the Pope and made this offer: Change the last line of the Lord's Prayer from "Give us this day our daily bread" to "Give us this day our daily chicken," and Kentucky Fried Chicken will donate $10,000,000 to Catholic charities. The Pope declined.
Two weeks later, the man approached the Pope again, this time with a $50,000,000 offer. Again, the Pope declined.
A month later, the man upped the price to $100,000,000, and this time the Pope accepted.
At a meeting of the Cardinals, the Pope announced his decision in the good news/bad news format. "The good news is: We have $100,000,000 for charities. The bad news: We lost the Wonder Bread account."
Vatican Fried Chicken
During a Papal audience, a businessman approached the Pope and made this offer: Change the last line of the Lord's Prayer from "Give us this day our daily bread" to "Give us this day our daily chicken," and Kentucky Fried Chicken will donate $10,000,000 to Catholic charities. The Pope declined.
Two weeks later, the man approached the Pope again, this time with a $50,000,000 offer. Again, the Pope declined.
A month later, the man upped the price to $100,000,000, and this time the Pope accepted.
At a meeting of the Cardinals, the Pope announced his decision in the good news/bad news format. "The good news is: We have $100,000,000 for charities. The bad news: We lost the Wonder Bread account."
Re: Just for a laugh
There was a little girl who walked to and from school every day. One day, though the weather that morning was questionable and clouds were forming, she set out on her daily trek to the elementary school.
As the afternoon progressed, the winds whipped up, along with thunder and lightning. Her mother was concerned that her daughter would be frightened as she walked home from school and she herself feared that the electrical storm might harm her child.
Following the roar of thunder, lightning, like a flaming sword, was cutting through the sky. Concerned, the mother quickly got into her car and drove along the route to her child's school. As she did so, she saw her little girl walking along, but at each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look up and smile at the sky.
Another and another flash of lighning followed and with each the little girl would look up at the streak of light and smile. The mother pulled her car up beside the child, and she lowered the window and called to her, "What are you doing? Why do you keep stopping?"
The little girl answered, "I am trying to look pretty! God keeps taking my picture."
May God bless you today as you face any storms that come your way!
As the afternoon progressed, the winds whipped up, along with thunder and lightning. Her mother was concerned that her daughter would be frightened as she walked home from school and she herself feared that the electrical storm might harm her child.
Following the roar of thunder, lightning, like a flaming sword, was cutting through the sky. Concerned, the mother quickly got into her car and drove along the route to her child's school. As she did so, she saw her little girl walking along, but at each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look up and smile at the sky.
Another and another flash of lighning followed and with each the little girl would look up at the streak of light and smile. The mother pulled her car up beside the child, and she lowered the window and called to her, "What are you doing? Why do you keep stopping?"
The little girl answered, "I am trying to look pretty! God keeps taking my picture."
May God bless you today as you face any storms that come your way!
Re: Just for a laugh
A native American grandfather was talking to his grandson about how he felt. He said 'I feel as if I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is the vengeful, angry, violent one. The other wolf is the loving, compassionate one.' The grandson asked him, 'Which wolf will win the fight in your heart?' The grandfather answered: 'The one I feed.'
-
Guest
Re: Just for a laugh
Ram and Shyam were sitting in the waiting room of the Airport. 'I've come to meet my brother,' said the Ram. 'He's due to fly in from America in an hour's time. It's his first trip home in forty years'.
'Will you be able to recognize him?' asked the Shyam.
'I'm sure I won't,' said the Ram, 'after all, he's been away for a long time'.
'I wonder if he'll recognize you?' said the Shyam.
'Of course he will,' said the Ram. 'I haven't been away at all!'
'Will you be able to recognize him?' asked the Shyam.
'I'm sure I won't,' said the Ram, 'after all, he's been away for a long time'.
'I wonder if he'll recognize you?' said the Shyam.
'Of course he will,' said the Ram. 'I haven't been away at all!'
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Guest
Re: Just for a laugh
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.
The lad asked, "What is this, father?"
The father (having never seen an elevator) responded, "I have no idea what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.
The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.
The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."
The lad asked, "What is this, father?"
The father (having never seen an elevator) responded, "I have no idea what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.
The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.
The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."
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Guest
Re: Just for a laugh
Little Jenny walked into the kitchen one day and looked up at her mother, who was busy cooking dinner. "Mommy, how old are you?" she asked.
"Now dear," said her mother, "You should never ask a woman what her age is." "Why not?" demanded Jenny. "Because it isn't polite. You'll understand better when you grow up." Jenny thought about it for a moment, then piped up, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?"
"Jenny," said her mother, "That's not a question you ask people." "Why not?" "Because it's not polite to ask grown-ups about how much they weigh. You'll understand some day."
"Mommy," Jenny asked, "Why did you and Daddy get divorced?" "Darling," her mother replied with a sigh, "That's something that's still very painful for Mommy, and I really can't talk about it now. I'll explain when you are a little older."
The next day, Jenny told a friend at school about the conversation with her mother. The other little girl explained to her, "All you have to do is get a look at your mom's driver's license. It has all the information about any grown-up you want on it."
So little Jenny sneaked a peek in her mother's purse when she got home, and looked over her license, examining it carefully. That evening, she went back into the kitchen and announced, "I know how old you are, Mommy, You are 36!"
Her mother looked down at her, surprised. "And I know how much you weigh!" said Jenny. "You weigh 135 pounds." "Jenny, where did you learn this?", her mother asked. Jenny just smiled and continued, "And, I know why you and Daddy got a divorce." Her mother just gasped and asked, "Why?"
Jenny replied, "Because you got an F in sex!"
"Now dear," said her mother, "You should never ask a woman what her age is." "Why not?" demanded Jenny. "Because it isn't polite. You'll understand better when you grow up." Jenny thought about it for a moment, then piped up, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?"
"Jenny," said her mother, "That's not a question you ask people." "Why not?" "Because it's not polite to ask grown-ups about how much they weigh. You'll understand some day."
"Mommy," Jenny asked, "Why did you and Daddy get divorced?" "Darling," her mother replied with a sigh, "That's something that's still very painful for Mommy, and I really can't talk about it now. I'll explain when you are a little older."
The next day, Jenny told a friend at school about the conversation with her mother. The other little girl explained to her, "All you have to do is get a look at your mom's driver's license. It has all the information about any grown-up you want on it."
So little Jenny sneaked a peek in her mother's purse when she got home, and looked over her license, examining it carefully. That evening, she went back into the kitchen and announced, "I know how old you are, Mommy, You are 36!"
Her mother looked down at her, surprised. "And I know how much you weigh!" said Jenny. "You weigh 135 pounds." "Jenny, where did you learn this?", her mother asked. Jenny just smiled and continued, "And, I know why you and Daddy got a divorce." Her mother just gasped and asked, "Why?"
Jenny replied, "Because you got an F in sex!"
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Guest
Re: Just for a laugh
A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the
motor of a car when he spotted a famous heart
surgeon in his shop who was standing off to the
side waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his car.
The mechanic shouted across the garage,"Hello
Doctor! Please come over here for a minute."
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to
the mechanic.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag
and asked argumentatively-
"So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take
valves out, grind'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one.
So how come you get the big money, when you and me are doing basically the same work?"
The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic. "Try to do it when the engine is running."
motor of a car when he spotted a famous heart
surgeon in his shop who was standing off to the
side waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his car.
The mechanic shouted across the garage,"Hello
Doctor! Please come over here for a minute."
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to
the mechanic.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag
and asked argumentatively-
"So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take
valves out, grind'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one.
So how come you get the big money, when you and me are doing basically the same work?"
The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic. "Try to do it when the engine is running."
What Nationality Were Adam and Eve?
A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.
"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British."
"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."
"No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are Russian."
A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.
"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British."
"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."
"No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are Russian."
Re: Just for a laugh
Beautiful?
There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You're beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said “You're cute!” Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of “beautiful” it was “cute.” She said “What happened to ‘beautiful’? His reply was “The drugs are wearing off!”
There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You're beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said “You're cute!” Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of “beautiful” it was “cute.” She said “What happened to ‘beautiful’? His reply was “The drugs are wearing off!”
Re: Just for a laugh
A man walking along the beach one day finds a bottle. He rubs it and, sure
enough, out popped a genie.
"I will grant you three wishes," said the genie. "But there is a catch."
"What catch?" the man asked.
The genie replied, "Every time you make a wish, your mother-in-law will receive
double the wish you were granted."
"Well, I can live with that! No problem!" replied the elated man.
"What is your first wish?" asked the genie.
"Well, I've always wanted a Ferrari!"
POOF! A Ferrari appeared in front of the man.
"Now your mother in law has TWO Ferraris," said the genie. "Next wish?"
"I'd love a million dollars," replied the man.
POOF! One million dollars appeared at his feet.
"Now your mother-in-law has TWO million dollars," said the genie.
"Well, that's okay, as long as I've got my million," replied the man.
"What is your third and final wish?"
The man thought long and hard, and finally said, "Well, you know, I've always
wanted to donate a kidney!"
_______________________________________________________________
enough, out popped a genie.
"I will grant you three wishes," said the genie. "But there is a catch."
"What catch?" the man asked.
The genie replied, "Every time you make a wish, your mother-in-law will receive
double the wish you were granted."
"Well, I can live with that! No problem!" replied the elated man.
"What is your first wish?" asked the genie.
"Well, I've always wanted a Ferrari!"
POOF! A Ferrari appeared in front of the man.
"Now your mother in law has TWO Ferraris," said the genie. "Next wish?"
"I'd love a million dollars," replied the man.
POOF! One million dollars appeared at his feet.
"Now your mother-in-law has TWO million dollars," said the genie.
"Well, that's okay, as long as I've got my million," replied the man.
"What is your third and final wish?"
The man thought long and hard, and finally said, "Well, you know, I've always
wanted to donate a kidney!"
_______________________________________________________________
Re: Just for a laugh
They’re Not All Mine!
A woman drove a mini-van filled with a dozen screaming kids through the mall parking lot, looking for a space. Obviously frazzled, she coasted through a stop sign.
"Hey, lady, have you forgotten how to stop?" yelled an irate man.
She rolled down her window and said, "What makes you think these are all mine?"
A woman drove a mini-van filled with a dozen screaming kids through the mall parking lot, looking for a space. Obviously frazzled, she coasted through a stop sign.
"Hey, lady, have you forgotten how to stop?" yelled an irate man.
She rolled down her window and said, "What makes you think these are all mine?"
Re: Just for a laugh
Brain Teasers ---
A wealthy man named Richard Ellis had been counting his money. When he finished, he accidentally left a $100.00 bill on his desk. But when he returned for it a short while later, it was gone. Only two other persons could have seen the bill. One was the maid; the other was the butler.
The maid told him that she had hidden it for safekeeping under a green book that was on the desk. But when they looked the bill was not there.
The butler said he had found the bill where the maid had left it. He had placed it inside the book, where he thought there was less chance that somebody would find it. He had written down the page numbers so that he would not forget them. The bill was between pages 35 and 36, he said. But when they looked, there was no money in the book.
After Mr. Ellis had talked to the maid and the butler, he called the police. He was sure he knew who had taken the money.
Who was it, and how did he know?
Can anyone solve this!
A wealthy man named Richard Ellis had been counting his money. When he finished, he accidentally left a $100.00 bill on his desk. But when he returned for it a short while later, it was gone. Only two other persons could have seen the bill. One was the maid; the other was the butler.
The maid told him that she had hidden it for safekeeping under a green book that was on the desk. But when they looked the bill was not there.
The butler said he had found the bill where the maid had left it. He had placed it inside the book, where he thought there was less chance that somebody would find it. He had written down the page numbers so that he would not forget them. The bill was between pages 35 and 36, he said. But when they looked, there was no money in the book.
After Mr. Ellis had talked to the maid and the butler, he called the police. He was sure he knew who had taken the money.
Who was it, and how did he know?
Can anyone solve this!
Re: Butler
shamsu wrote:The Butler,
The bill can only be kept between an even numbered page and the next numbered page. like 34 and 35.
35 and 36 are on either side of the same page.
wow! Shams you are right and a quick thinker!
ANSWER: The butler did it. Mr. Ellis knew the butler was lying because pages 35 and 36 in a book are always printed on opposite sides of the same piece of paper.
Re: Just for a laugh
After the college boy delivered the pizza to Amanpreet's trailer house,
Amanpreet asked: "What is the usual tip?"
"Well," replied the youth,
"this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing great."
"Is that so?" snorted Preet. "Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here's five dollars."
"Thanks," replied the youth, "I'll put this in my school fund." "What are you studying?" asked Preet.
The lad smiled and said: "Applied psychology."
Amanpreet asked: "What is the usual tip?"
"Well," replied the youth,
"this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing great."
"Is that so?" snorted Preet. "Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here's five dollars."
"Thanks," replied the youth, "I'll put this in my school fund." "What are you studying?" asked Preet.
The lad smiled and said: "Applied psychology."
Moses on His Walkie Talkie
Nine year old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned at Sunday school.
"Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt.
"When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely.
"Then he used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved."
"Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked.
"Well, no. But if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"
Nine year old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned at Sunday school.
"Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt.
"When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely.
"Then he used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved."
"Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked.
"Well, no. But if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"
Lateral Thinking
A man rode into town on Friday.
He spent only 2 nights in that town
and left on Friday.
How is this possible?
He spent only 2 nights in that town
and left on Friday.
How is this possible?
another one
If you had only one match and entered a COLD and DARK room, where there was an oil heater, an oil lamp and a candle, which would you light first?
If you take 2 apples from 3 apples, what do you have?
Some months have 30 days, some months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days?
A man builds a house with four sides of rectangular construction, each side having a southern exposure. A big bear comes along. What colour is the bear?
If you drove a bus with 43 people on board from London and stopped at Liverpool to pick up 7 more people, what's the name of the driver?
Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widow's sister?
An assistant in a butcher's shop is 5'10" tall. What does he weigh?
Say "Silk" 5 times, now spell "Silk". What do cows drink?
Johnny's mother has 3 kids, one is named April, one is named May. What is the other one named?
A plane crashes on the Canadian - US border. Where would you bury the survivors?
I have two coins which add up to 15 pence and one of the coins is NOT a 10 pence piece. What are the two coins?
If a rooster laid an egg on the apex of a slanted barn roof, which way would the egg roll, left or right?
How high should a raw egg be when dropped on a concrete slab so as to crack it?
Some of these are really good.
Shams
If you take 2 apples from 3 apples, what do you have?
Some months have 30 days, some months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days?
A man builds a house with four sides of rectangular construction, each side having a southern exposure. A big bear comes along. What colour is the bear?
If you drove a bus with 43 people on board from London and stopped at Liverpool to pick up 7 more people, what's the name of the driver?
Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widow's sister?
An assistant in a butcher's shop is 5'10" tall. What does he weigh?
Say "Silk" 5 times, now spell "Silk". What do cows drink?
Johnny's mother has 3 kids, one is named April, one is named May. What is the other one named?
A plane crashes on the Canadian - US border. Where would you bury the survivors?
I have two coins which add up to 15 pence and one of the coins is NOT a 10 pence piece. What are the two coins?
If a rooster laid an egg on the apex of a slanted barn roof, which way would the egg roll, left or right?
How high should a raw egg be when dropped on a concrete slab so as to crack it?
Some of these are really good.
Shams
some more
If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60th of a degree every minute, how many degrees will it move in an hour?
If a red house is made of red bricks and a blue house is made of blue bricks, what is a green house made of?
How many two pence stamps in a dozen?
How many birthdays does the average man have?
A farmer had 17 sheep and all but 9 die. How many are left?
Divide 30 by half and add ten. What do you get?
If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half hour, how long would it be before all the pills are taken?
I went to bed at eight o'clock in the evening and wound up my clock and set the alarm to sound at nine o'clock in the morning. How many hours sleep would I get before being woken by the alarm?
These are the easiest ones
Shams
If a red house is made of red bricks and a blue house is made of blue bricks, what is a green house made of?
How many two pence stamps in a dozen?
How many birthdays does the average man have?
A farmer had 17 sheep and all but 9 die. How many are left?
Divide 30 by half and add ten. What do you get?
If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half hour, how long would it be before all the pills are taken?
I went to bed at eight o'clock in the evening and wound up my clock and set the alarm to sound at nine o'clock in the morning. How many hours sleep would I get before being woken by the alarm?
These are the easiest ones
Shams
Re: some more
shamsu wrote:If the hour hand o­n a clock moves 1/60th of a degree every minute, how many degrees will it move in an hour?<BR><BR>--- o­ne<BR><BR>If a red house is made of red bricks and a blue house is made of blue bricks, what is a green house made of?<BR><BR>---glass<BR><BR>How many two pence stamps in a dozen?<BR><BR>--12<BR><BR>How many birthdays does the average man have?<BR><BR>-- o­ne<BR><BR>A farmer had 17 sheep and all but 9 die. How many are left?<BR><BR>--9<BR>Divide 30 by half and add ten. What do you get?<BR><BR>---70<BR><BR>If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take o­ne pill every half hour, how long would it be before all the pills are taken?<BR><BR>--1 hr<BR><BR>I went to bed at eight o'clock in the evening and wound up my clock and set the alarm to sound at nine o'clock in the morning. How many hours sleep would I get before being woken by the alarm?<BR><BR>-- 1 hr<BR><BR>These are the easiest o­nes<BR><BR>Shams
Re: some more
shamsu wrote:If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60th of a degree every minute, how many degrees will it move in an hour?
--- one
If a red house is made of red bricks and a blue house is made of blue bricks, what is a green house made of?
--- glass
How many two pence stamps in a dozen?
-- 12
How many birthdays does the average man have?
-- one
A farmer had 17 sheep and all but 9 die. How many are left?
--- nine
Divide 30 by half and add ten. What do you get?
--- 70
If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half hour, how long would it be before all the pills are taken?
-- 1hr
I went to bed at eight o'clock in the evening and wound up my clock and set the alarm to sound at nine o'clock in the morning. How many hours sleep would I get before being woken by the alarm?
1 hr
These are the easiest ones
Shams
Re: another one
[quote="shamsu"]If you had only one match and entered a COLD and DARK room, where there was an oil heater, an oil lamp and a candle, which would you light first?
--match
If you take 2 apples from 3 apples, what do you have?
-- 2
Some months have 30 days, some months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days?
-- 12
A man builds a house with four sides of rectangular construction, each side having a southern exposure. A big bear comes along. What colour is the bear?
-- white
If you drove a bus with 43 people on board from London and stopped at Liverpool to pick up 7 more people, what's the name of the driver?
--my name
Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widow's sister?
--he can't, he's dead
An assistant in a butcher's shop is 5'10" tall. What does he weigh?
--meat
Say "Silk" 5 times, now spell "Silk". What do cows drink?
--water
Johnny's mother has 3 kids, one is named April, one is named May. What is the other one named?
--Johnny
A plane crashes on the Canadian - US border. Where would you bury the survivors?
--survivors are alive, cant burry them.
I have two coins which add up to 15 pence and one of the coins is NOT a 10 pence piece. What are the two coins?
--10 & 5
If a rooster laid an egg on the apex of a slanted barn roof, which way would the egg roll, left or right?
--rooster dont lay eggs.
How high should a raw egg be when dropped on a concrete slab so as to crack it?
--cant crack concrete with a raw egg
--match
If you take 2 apples from 3 apples, what do you have?
-- 2
Some months have 30 days, some months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days?
-- 12
A man builds a house with four sides of rectangular construction, each side having a southern exposure. A big bear comes along. What colour is the bear?
-- white
If you drove a bus with 43 people on board from London and stopped at Liverpool to pick up 7 more people, what's the name of the driver?
--my name
Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widow's sister?
--he can't, he's dead
An assistant in a butcher's shop is 5'10" tall. What does he weigh?
--meat
Say "Silk" 5 times, now spell "Silk". What do cows drink?
--water
Johnny's mother has 3 kids, one is named April, one is named May. What is the other one named?
--Johnny
A plane crashes on the Canadian - US border. Where would you bury the survivors?
--survivors are alive, cant burry them.
I have two coins which add up to 15 pence and one of the coins is NOT a 10 pence piece. What are the two coins?
--10 & 5
If a rooster laid an egg on the apex of a slanted barn roof, which way would the egg roll, left or right?
--rooster dont lay eggs.
How high should a raw egg be when dropped on a concrete slab so as to crack it?
--cant crack concrete with a raw egg
Re: Lateral Thinking
--- Shams, the name of his horse is Friday -shamsu wrote:A man rode into town on Friday.
He spent only 2 nights in that town
and left on Friday.
How is this possible?
this was a good one made me think hard!!!
good job sofiya
A man is walking down the stairs, suddenly he cannot see a thing and he realizes his wife is dead. How?
As a man was approaching a field he knew he would die. How?
Man walks into a bar and asks for a glass of water. The bar tender points a gun at him. He says thank you and leaves. What happened here?
Alexander and Cleopatra were found dead lying on the floor somewhere in Egypt. There wasn't a mark on them and they were not poisoned. The only clue was a broken glass bowl nearby. How did they die?
All the best with these sofia
Shams
As a man was approaching a field he knew he would die. How?
Man walks into a bar and asks for a glass of water. The bar tender points a gun at him. He says thank you and leaves. What happened here?
Alexander and Cleopatra were found dead lying on the floor somewhere in Egypt. There wasn't a mark on them and they were not poisoned. The only clue was a broken glass bowl nearby. How did they die?
All the best with these sofia
Shams
some more
A woman had two sons who were born on the same hour of the same day of the same year. But they were not twins, and they were not adopted. How could this be so?
A man pushed his car. He stopped when he reached a hotel at which point he knew he was bankrupt. Why?
A blind beggar had a brother who died. What relation was the blind beggar to the brother who died? (Brother is not the answer).
One day Kerry celebrated her birthday. Two days later her older twin brother, Terry, celebrated his birthday. How come?
A man lives on the tenth floor of a building. Every day he takes the elevator to go down to the ground floor to go to work or to go shopping. When he returns he takes the elevator to the seventh floor and walks up the stairs to reach his apartment on the tenth floor. He hates walking so why does he do it?
A man is replacing a wheel on his car, when he accidentally drops the four nuts used to hold the wheel on the car, and they fall into a deep drain, irretrievably lost. A passing girl offers him a solution which enables him to drive home. What is it?
The day before yesterday, Jenny was 17 years old. Next year, she'll be 20 years old. How is this possible?
A truck is stuck at a road under a bridge. It's just a couple of inches too high to pass under. Any other route, avoiding the bridge would add a couple of hours to the journey. A young boy comes along and again saves the day. How?
A man pushed his car. He stopped when he reached a hotel at which point he knew he was bankrupt. Why?
A blind beggar had a brother who died. What relation was the blind beggar to the brother who died? (Brother is not the answer).
One day Kerry celebrated her birthday. Two days later her older twin brother, Terry, celebrated his birthday. How come?
A man lives on the tenth floor of a building. Every day he takes the elevator to go down to the ground floor to go to work or to go shopping. When he returns he takes the elevator to the seventh floor and walks up the stairs to reach his apartment on the tenth floor. He hates walking so why does he do it?
A man is replacing a wheel on his car, when he accidentally drops the four nuts used to hold the wheel on the car, and they fall into a deep drain, irretrievably lost. A passing girl offers him a solution which enables him to drive home. What is it?
The day before yesterday, Jenny was 17 years old. Next year, she'll be 20 years old. How is this possible?
A truck is stuck at a road under a bridge. It's just a couple of inches too high to pass under. Any other route, avoiding the bridge would add a couple of hours to the journey. A young boy comes along and again saves the day. How?
The Healing Touch of Christ
The Healing Touch of Christ
Three guys were fishing on a lake one day, when Jesus walked across the water and joined them in the boat. When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked humbly, "Jesus, I've suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Viet Nam war. Could you help me?"
"Of course my son," Jesus said. When Jesus touched the man's back, the man felt relief for the first time in years.
The second man, who wore very thick glasses and had a hard time reading and driving, asked if Jesus could do anything about his eyesight. Jesus smiled, removed the man's glasses and tossed them in the lake. When the glasses hit the water, the man's eyes cleared and he could see everything distinctly.
When Jesus turned to heal the third man, the guy put his hands up and cried defensively, "Don't touch me! I'm on long-term disability."
Three guys were fishing on a lake one day, when Jesus walked across the water and joined them in the boat. When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked humbly, "Jesus, I've suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Viet Nam war. Could you help me?"
"Of course my son," Jesus said. When Jesus touched the man's back, the man felt relief for the first time in years.
The second man, who wore very thick glasses and had a hard time reading and driving, asked if Jesus could do anything about his eyesight. Jesus smiled, removed the man's glasses and tossed them in the lake. When the glasses hit the water, the man's eyes cleared and he could see everything distinctly.
When Jesus turned to heal the third man, the guy put his hands up and cried defensively, "Don't touch me! I'm on long-term disability."
riddle answers
A woman had two sons who were born on the same hour of the same day of the same year. But they were not twins, and they were not adopted. How could this be so?
--could have been triplets, quadruplets, etc
A man pushed his car. He stopped when he reached a hotel at which point he knew he was bankrupt. Why?
--sounds like he was playing monoply to me.
A blind beggar had a brother who died. What relation was the blind beggar to the brother who died? (Brother is not the answer).
--borther & sister
One day Kerry celebrated her birthday. Two days later her older twin brother, Terry, celebrated his birthday. How come?
--Currently a leap year. Birth dates are Feb 28 and March 1st: 2 days difference. Moving between time zones (east to west) can allow birth at the above dates on a non-leap year.
A man lives on the tenth floor of a building. Every day he takes the elevator to go down to the ground floor to go to work or to go shopping. When he returns he takes the elevator to the seventh floor and walks up the stairs to reach his apartment on the tenth floor. He hates walking so why does he do it?
--too short to reach the 10th button on elevator
A man is replacing a wheel on his car, when he accidentally drops the four nuts used to hold the wheel on the car, and they fall into a deep drain, irretrievably lost. A passing girl offers him a solution which enables him to drive home. What is it?
--she lends him her car
The day before yesterday, Jenny was 17 years old. Next year, she'll be 20 years old. How is this possible?
--Jenny was born on dec 31
A truck is stuck at a road under a bridge. It's just a couple of inches too high to pass under. Any other route, avoiding the bridge would add a couple of hours to the journey. A young boy comes along and again saves the day. How?
--boy lets air out of tires until truck can pass
--could have been triplets, quadruplets, etc
A man pushed his car. He stopped when he reached a hotel at which point he knew he was bankrupt. Why?
--sounds like he was playing monoply to me.
A blind beggar had a brother who died. What relation was the blind beggar to the brother who died? (Brother is not the answer).
--borther & sister
One day Kerry celebrated her birthday. Two days later her older twin brother, Terry, celebrated his birthday. How come?
--Currently a leap year. Birth dates are Feb 28 and March 1st: 2 days difference. Moving between time zones (east to west) can allow birth at the above dates on a non-leap year.
A man lives on the tenth floor of a building. Every day he takes the elevator to go down to the ground floor to go to work or to go shopping. When he returns he takes the elevator to the seventh floor and walks up the stairs to reach his apartment on the tenth floor. He hates walking so why does he do it?
--too short to reach the 10th button on elevator
A man is replacing a wheel on his car, when he accidentally drops the four nuts used to hold the wheel on the car, and they fall into a deep drain, irretrievably lost. A passing girl offers him a solution which enables him to drive home. What is it?
--she lends him her car
The day before yesterday, Jenny was 17 years old. Next year, she'll be 20 years old. How is this possible?
--Jenny was born on dec 31
A truck is stuck at a road under a bridge. It's just a couple of inches too high to pass under. Any other route, avoiding the bridge would add a couple of hours to the journey. A young boy comes along and again saves the day. How?
--boy lets air out of tires until truck can pass