Becoming a single parent

liaay692 · Post by **liaay692** » Fri Sep 27, 2013 9:27 am

In todays world it is hard to find an ismaili life partner.  If an ismaili muslim who prayers regularly, comes to JK regularly, lives a life according to the ethics of our faith, decides to do something unconventional in his/her quest for a child should they be denied this right?  What I mean is if an ismaili muslim wants a child but does not have a husband or wife, if he/she decides to take an unconventional route to get a child i.e adoption, surrogacy or enter into a co-parenting agreement will the ismaili in question be considered to be committing a grave sin?  Will that ismaili be exiled from the ismaili community? Will the neborn child be allowed to have a baiyat and become an ismaili?  Does having a child have to be confined to marriage?  We all are aware of people even today having arranged marriages which don't work and those people have children even though they do not want to be together, why is that not considered bad? Can a single person wanting the gift of parenthood on their own be wrong?.  Is there any way to contact HI and ask him for his advice?  Does anyone know an ismaili who has become a mother or father as a single parent? 

Post by **Admin** » Fri Sep 27, 2013 11:08 am

There is a discussion on this Forum about Surrogacy which is forbidden and about adoption which is supported. There is no implication at the level of acceptance or not within the legal framework of the community provided you go through the law of the land to regularise your situation. [Do not do anything against the law of the land]

agakhani · Post by **agakhani** » Fri Sep 27, 2013 12:54 pm

That is true as Admin says i.e. surrogacy is not permitted in Ismaili sect I think it is not permitted in other religion too but many peoples adopting that, some for money, some one wants their own child, some one has feminine health issue and therefore they are taking surrogacy method.
FYI:- In Quran it is also prohibited to give a birth to any child without marriage, it is call zina as per Quran and we Ismaili and as a Muslim first should have to follow what Quran says
In your case, I think adoption is the best answer; which is not prohibitted nor it is ilegal in any country.

liaay692 · Post by **liaay692** » Fri Sep 27, 2013 3:40 pm

Thank you for your responses. It now all seems more complex. According to the law of the land in the country I live in all 3 routes adoption, surrogacy and co parenting are legal. However the option of adoption can be a hurdle as there is still a lot of stigmatism when it comes to a single man adopting a child. Anyway, I know it's selfish, but I would like my own child. I'm doomed!

shiraz.virani · Post by **shiraz.virani** » Fri Sep 27, 2013 5:35 pm

liaay692, I dunno why you think marrying an ismaili girl is such a big problem ???....all the 3 options are available to you only and only if your baby making machine is out of service

Im pretty sure that you're young and full of life....Why don't you give legal marriage a chance ??

liaay692 · Post by **liaay692** » Fri Sep 27, 2013 7:43 pm

I have given the legal option a chance and it didn't work out. I have been married to an Ismaili and she betrayed me. Then I found luck in another Ismaili girl who ended up only wanting me for money as she had got herself into debt. You are right, I am young and full of life and all machinery is working but I just believe I have a lot to offer a child and I don't see why I need a wife to do that.

tret · Post by **tret** » Sat Sep 28, 2013 9:52 am

liaay692 wrote:... I don't see why I need a wife to do that.

You may not need a wife, but a child needs a mother. A child could live without having a mother, but the way a child is raised with both parents will be a better child in my opinion.

shiraz.virani · Post by **shiraz.virani** » Sat Sep 28, 2013 11:32 am

I have given the legal option a chance and it didn't work out. I have been married to an Ismaili and she betrayed me. Then I found luck in another Ismaili girl who ended up only wanting me for money as she had got herself into debt. You are right, I am young and full of life and all machinery is working but I just believe I have a lot to offer a child and I don't see why I need a wife to do that.

Brother, I dunno what kind of woman you have been with in the past but if I may suggest you....you sound very conservative to me [looking at your 1st post] ....It may be that you're looking for the right woman at all the wrong places !!!

Trust me when I say this.....ME & TRET never agree on most of the things but on this one I'm with TRET because a child needs a mother the most.

Mother is the one who shapes the life of the young one....Im pretty sure you're a working person...Who is going to tc of your child when you go to work ??...What will your child learn from a day care ??

Please don't get me wrong but I'm talking to you as a parent here... I work 11 hrs a day [6 days a week] and its impossible for me to manage my little one in the absence of my wife.

agakhani · Post by **agakhani** » Sat Sep 28, 2013 1:48 pm

I, agree with Shiraz and brother "Tret" that you still needs to find out right girls for you I, know you are the same Houston guy who wrote in this forum earlier in "painful divorce" thread but I should say that brother never give up, try your hard and I think you will find right partner for you, just remember this not all women are same. You may not need another wife but your future child ( adopted or vise verse) may needs mother, it is very hard to raise child by a single men and since you are young there are good chace that you can still find nice Ismaili girls around.

tret · Post by **tret** » Tue Oct 01, 2013 7:15 pm

shiraz.virani wrote:

Trust me when I say this.....ME & TRET never agree on most of the things but on this one I'm with TRET because a child needs a mother the most.
I am glad, at least I got you on one thing to agree with me.

Can you let us all know, for example, what are some of those 'most of the things' that we can't agree? I am pretty sure, I must have a darn good reason not to agree with you!

tret · Post by **tret** » Tue Oct 01, 2013 7:23 pm

agakhani wrote:because a child needs a mother the most.

While I partially agree with this, but I wouldn't give it all up on one side. From where I see as a parent, a child needs both parents. I think a child needs a mother as much as he needs a father. I believe you can't replace one by the other. Mother has her place in a child's life, and father has his place in a child's life. So, in a nutshell, a child's life is perfect with both parents, and not so much if either one is missing.

And you my good friend "liaay692", since you are starting your journey and planning all these good things, for yourself (and for your child) I believe you should plan a perfect future for your future child, after all is it more about your child, then it's about yourself.

I don't know, I always try to provide the best of the best to my children. Especially when it comes to the most important thing in a child's life (parents, mother and father), don't you agree that you should give the best of the best to your child too?